I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
