I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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