I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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