Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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