You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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