at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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