Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
