their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
