Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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