perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
