does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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