nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
