and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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