i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
