Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
