How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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