I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
