I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
