you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
