Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
