We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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