so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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