shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
