During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to cum in my sink.
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