I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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