ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
