i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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