Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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