In the future we'll all be gay
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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