Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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