Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
