My first STD was from a foam party
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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