why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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