My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
