Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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