I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
