I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
