So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't give away my fajitas
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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