I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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