So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had sex on a roof
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
