This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
