ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
