sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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