Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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