so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
birth control should be required to get into college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
