you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
