I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize