Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
