No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They took my balls.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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