I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
