I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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