Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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