Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
