i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
