Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
