She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
