if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
