We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
