you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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