oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
