I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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