At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
