So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
