Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
