i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
