NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
