so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
