I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
