turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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