I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
