Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
