I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
