cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There are leaves in my underwear?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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