She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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