But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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