didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
