True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
