I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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